My girlfriend figured out who you are.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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