I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
