Texts From Last Night

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  (210): View more from Texas

  How crunk are you?

  (713): View more from Texas

  I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins

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  (210): How crunk are you? (713): I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins http://tfl.nu/q3sf
  Replies (3) Good night (1972) Bad night (509)
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  (916): View more from California

  He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics

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  (916): He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics http://tfl.nu/21qy
  Replies (29) Good night (3076) Bad night (3628)
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles

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  (319): I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles http://tfl.nu/zz0g
  Replies (7) Good night (2679) Bad night (514)
• Favorite

  (574): View more from Indiana

  I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.

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  (574): I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself. http://tfl.nu/2lez
  Replies (24) Good night (1153) Bad night (7166)
• Favorite

  (909): View more from California

  I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.

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  (909): I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird. http://tfl.nu/n96h
  Replies (31) Good night (1087) Bad night (3887)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.

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  (609): you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off. http://tfl.nu/5lgs
  Replies (13) Good night (2069) Bad night (3791)
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  I just googled if crying burns calories

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  (416): I just googled if crying burns calories http://tfl.nu/qfsf
  Replies (14) Good night (1034) Bad night (3425)
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.

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  (805): My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore. http://tfl.nu/yzqd
  Replies (9) Good night (2098) Bad night (1177)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.

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  (215): I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore. http://tfl.nu/m8nz
  Replies (9) Good night (2868) Bad night (826)
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home

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  (217): Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home http://tfl.nu/w5oh
  Replies (3) Good night (1603) Bad night (760)
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.

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  (816): We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it. http://tfl.nu/u2s4
  Replies (3) Good night (1222) Bad night (438)
• Favorite

  (269): View more from Michigan

  They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.

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  (269): They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth. http://tfl.nu/6jfd
  Replies (10) Good night (373) Bad night (1362)
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  I guess I'm open to more types of dick now

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  (425): I guess I'm open to more types of dick now http://tfl.nu/myaz
  Replies (5) Good night (512) Bad night (190)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -

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  (973): That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan - http://tfl.nu/yuzz
  Replies (5) Good night (261) Bad night (559)
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach

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  (304): Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach http://tfl.nu/xbk1
  Replies (3) Good night (557) Bad night (228)

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