i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol