We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
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I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.