I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
