Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
