just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
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I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
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Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.