i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
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Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
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Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED