that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
