they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
