apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Randomize
