Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
And then my night got REAL pukey
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
