I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
