So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
