I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
