some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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