you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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