Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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