I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
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She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
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It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Panties = found
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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