You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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