So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Randomize
