I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
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