I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
and you fell through a lawn chair
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
