U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
