I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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