onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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