You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
