found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
