three words: i give head
three words: not that well
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize