my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
