I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
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