saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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