If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
