Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
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