Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
