Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
the liver wants what the liver wants
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
