So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
