it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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