hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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