yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
