I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
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They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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