Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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