This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
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