I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
