Hey man sorry I got all grabby
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
