I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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