I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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