Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
