I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
