oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
