Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
