Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
