Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
