Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Good news!! I can adult!! π turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ππ
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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