I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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