I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Need sex. Gaining weight.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Randomize
