I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
