I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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