don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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