I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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