I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
