fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
