Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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