no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
