More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
