There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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