You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
