OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
